nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
