Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
