not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
