just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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