Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
