break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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