just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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