You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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