wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
