No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
