i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
