Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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