i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
