Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
