Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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