All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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