Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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