i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The uberlube is also flammable
third nipple confirmed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
