I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
