I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
