Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
