Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
