I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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