Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
