fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
