yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
