i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
