One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
