he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i now understand why vodka
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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