we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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