just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
