end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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