Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
