I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
