remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
