I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
