1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
