There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
