If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
