omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
