Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
