that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Mom said you looked used
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
