I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
