she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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