a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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