you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
