This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
