you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
