I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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