Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
