Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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