I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
