why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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