you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
