'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
